The Balancing Act

Hi, it's Sylvia!

You guys send me the best messages in response to these Q & A emails! I just started this on a whim, just to see if I could do it. It's been so reassuring to get such a warm reception every week. And since I always talk about how important it is to allow ourselves to celebrate a win, I have to share that I'm really proud that I've put myself out there in this way; it's taken some bravery and commitment to get these out every week.
So THANK YOU for reading and emailing me with so much love!!!


This week's question comes from Rhiannon C.:

Q. How do you juggle being a mom, a wife and doing all of your readings?  How do you manage that work-life balance, especially when energy readings can take so much of your energy?

A. Oof, that's a good one, and I think it's something we all struggle with. Here's the secret. You ready?

I DON'T.

When you're juggling, something always inevitably gets dropped. There is no perfection. I don't actually manage all the roles and to do lists at all!

What I do manage is my expectations about how I think things should look. (You guys remember how I feel about shoulds, right? Here's the refresher.)

In order to do readings, I have to leave my own drama and stress and life at the door. Spirit helps me to get my own thoughts and feelings out of the way, in order to be a clear channel for messages to come through. That takes a commitment to self-care and feeling good. Even when life isn't working the way I want it to, I need to be ninja-level at processing things quickly, or putting issues completely aside, so I can focus on my clients and connecting with their Spirit Team.

It's a tall order.

When I have a ton of readings to do, the house doesn't get cleaned. Laundry sits in the basket. I might order dinner, or if I'm really feeling like an over-achiever, I might throw something quick in that slow cooker in the morning. My kid might be watching a lot of tv or doing solo playtime while I work, until I can get somebody to come in and take over for me (that's if there's anybody coming). And that might mean taking a lot of breaks to be a parent. Which makes channeling... challenging. And sometimes readings get pushed back until after midnight. Or the next day. 

But here's the deal. I know I'm doing my absolute best. I ask for help. I plan ahead. I manage expectations. I take a lot of deep breaths and let the rest go. 

For better or worse, the present will be what it is, whether I'm upset about it or not. So I choose (as often and as quickly as possible) to be ok with whatever the situation is, no matter what it looks like. Acceptance is key. And then I can check in with myself about where to go from there, without the added drama and story and should.

But here's real secret to this magic trick:

I've realized that how I experience life is a relationship, a dynamic that responds immediately to however I choose to approach it. 

Think about it. Nobody has a good time in a relationship full of distrust, seriousness, and expectations. When you're in a healthy relationship with somebody you love, you feel warm and fuzzy. Their quirks are endearing. You care about how you can show up to support and love them, and you trust that they feel the same for you. And whenever you're suddenly feeling annoyed or frustrated by everything they do or say, it's a sure sign of disconnection. Time for a conversation. A date night. Some one-on-one time.

Here are the Top 3 Magical Ingredients that can transform everyrelationship, across the board:

Trust
If you don't trust somebody, your attention and energy is constantly focused on what they might possibly be doing to screw you, and on how to anticipate their every move or catch them in the act. That's exhausting, and not at all healthy, or fun, for either party. If you have trust in your relationship, then you're able to accept words at face value. You're able to extend your loved ones grace and the benefit of the doubt when they're not at their best. And the receiver feels loved and accepted unconditionally, which allows and inspires them to be their best for you as well. If there's no trust, then it's not a healthy relationship... So why are you in it?

And in life, if you trust that everything is always working out for your best and highest good, then suddenly you don't have to try so hard to control and anticipate every single thing that might go wrong. Things will happen in your life, no matter how you feel about it. As long as you're alive, things will happen, and you will figure them out, and you will learn and grow through it all. If something is happening that you don't love, then trust that it's here to help you learn and grow into the magnificent You you're supposed to become, help the people you're supposed to help, and love with the compassion that you'll acquire through this experience.

Playfulness
Keeping things humorous and light with somebody you love just adds to your connection. When you have a great time together, both people make great memories, release good feeling chemicals and hormones in the body, leave feeling positive about each other, and then you're both happy and excited to do it again. The cycle continues. Nobody wants to be in a relationship that feels like a serious chore. Nobody wants to be around somebody who criticizes them constantly, or questions their life choices. When things are too heavy and dark, it's the perfect time to change things up and go play, and it's exactly why people do corporate team building retreats and exciting couples retreats. Play is crucial!

And in life, being playful magically makes everything easier and more fun. Hot days and long lines at an amusement park can be enough to make some people a complete pain in the butt to be around. They're at an amusement park, surrounded by opportunities for play and fun with people they (hopefully) love enough to be there with, and instead they're choosing to focus on reasons to be unhappy. They're missing the whole point! Play a game. Sing a song. Tell a joke. Be silly. It's so much more fun!
(*One important note: You can only control yourself. Allowing somebody else to have their own cranky pants experience can release you to have your own fun. Otherwise, their awful mood will rub off on you, and then nobody's happy. Work your playfulness muscle out enough to carry anybody through a rough patch, but only focus on your own joy, and you'll be golden.)

Curiosity
Being in relationship with somebody who is genuinely interested in you - what you think, how you feel, what your hopes and dreams are - is an absolute gift. Often we want somebody to do this for us, but if we're really honest, we haven't done it for them. We might finish their sentences with our own version of the story, or should on their experiences, or get focused on how their choices or outlook makes US feel. Stayingcurious and keeping your open-hearted focus on somebody else is an act of selfless and unconditional love, and that's incredibly powerful.

And in life, maintaining a spirit of curiosity can turn any ordinary day into an adventure. It infuses life with a buzz of excitement, an openness to the next thing that will cross your path or pique your interest. It could be a new book. A new person. A surprising insight about a person you've known for years. A chance meeting with an old friend could be just a chance meeting, or it might turn out to be a pivotal moment that changed everything... But you won't know until later, and for now you'll just have to stay open and ride the ride.

So, to answer the question: Think bigger and reframe the balancing act. 

With trust, playfulness and curiosity, life can magically transform from a collection of stress and lists and goals, to a rich, exciting, and fun ride.


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If you try the Magical Ingredients this week, I'd love to know how it goes for you!

Is there anything in this answer that sparked another question? What else would you like to learn about? Email me with more of your questions, and they might be featured in an upcoming newsletter!

Sylvia Hendershott